Everyone has a sexual self-image. A way of seeing themselves… sexually.
When you look in the mirror, what do you see?
Do you see yourself as a sexual woman or a non-sexual one? Or maybe you see yourself as somewhere in between? Perhaps you’ve never really thought about it.
However, what you think has a direct impact on how you behave. How you behave has a direct impact on the results you get.
If you have a low or negative sexual self-image, you will inadvertently sabotage your ability to express your sexuality and enjoy sex. More than likely, you’re not having sex and you don’t really care that you’re not.
If you have an average or so-so sexual self-image, you have occasional sex and the sex may be good, but it’s not as amazing as it could be and you’re missing out on your full sexual potential. More than likely, you want to feel more sexual but you don’t know how to go about doing that.
If you have a great or positive sexual self-image, then you’re having amazing sex, you’re enjoying it and you feel vital, content and fulfilled. Why? Because you’re more likely to have embraced your sexuality, found pleasure and connection with it, and seek to further expand it.
Just know that wherever you are now, you can improve it. Think of your sexuality like a diamond in the rough… the potential is always there… you just need to allow it to shine through.
Suggestion: Find a sexual mentor. A woman who demonstrates a positive and confident sexual self-image and learn from her. Whatever she’s doing, do more of that. I’m not suggesting you try to be her, but rather to be inspired by her.
Factors affecting your sexual self-image
Beauty & Appearance
Women want to be thought of as beautiful and desirable.
The problem is that we treat our physical appearance as if it were the only measure of our beauty and desirability.
If we don’t match up with what society believes is sexy and beautiful, we believe that we aren’t good enough. This lowers our self-esteem and erodes our self-confidence.
But here’s the thing…
Beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes and confidence looks good on every one of them.
“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.” ~Sophia Loren
Instead of being obsessed with your external appearance, or the opposite extreme, not caring what you look like, find a middle ground. A place where you take care of yourself because you’re worth it and because doing so makes you feel beautiful and desirable. Not to impress others, but to impress yourself.
Suggestion: Embrace being a woman and accept that you’re attractive simply because you’re a woman. You don’t have to do anything. Instead, you be yourself. Use clothing and makeup to accentuate your beauty, not to cover, change or detract from it.
It can be hard to feel sexy when you are raised in a culture that glorifies youth. Where men leave their wives for younger women and where the common misconception is that sex is reserved for the young.
There are other cultures that revere age and understand that sexuality is ageless.
You know, when I got my sexy back a decade ago, I was in my early forties and by all accounts, past my “prime.” I regretted wasting all those years that I could have been a sex kitten. I felt that I had missed my opportunity to be sexy.
But who wants to be a sex kitten when you can be a sexual goddess? I’ll take being a sexual goddess… a woman who fully embodies her sexuality and knows how to enjoy it.
Truthfully, I wish I knew then, what I know now, but I probably wouldn’t have been interested in knowing it then. What’s the saying?
“Youth is wasted on the young.” #truth
But with age comes wisdom and a sexual maturity that allows you to experience sex in a deeper and more profound way.
You may think that your sexy years are behind you but they’re not.
Suggestion: Whatever your age, remember that you are always a sexual being. Age is merely a number and like a fine bottle of wine, your sexuality can get better with age.
Our bodies have a huge impact on our ability to feel sexy and sexual. Not just by how they look but how they feel. Our bodies go beyond superficial beauty and appearance because they are how we experience sex.
If you’re not comfortable with your own body, you’re not going to be able to experience pleasure in it.
When you come to understand that great sex isn’t about having a great body, you’ll be able to relax into sex and thoroughly enjoy it.
If you treat your body like the temple that it is and take really good care of it through proper sleep, food and exercise, your body will naturally become the best version of you. Not someone else’s version of a great body, but yours.
Suggestion: Stop worrying about what you look like naked. In fact, try to get naked as much as you can until you do become comfortable with it. Stop pushing to have the “perfect” body. There’s no such thing. Aim for a healthy and fit body that allows you to enjoy life and not be obsessed with your diet and exercise regime.
You can feel sexy and sexual on your own but never underestimate how good (or bad) a man can make you feel. Physically and emotionally.
Aside from his ability to provide you with physical sexual pleasure, he can also make you feel desirable.
At her core, a woman wants and needs to feel desirable.
Where I think that many women go wrong is that they rely on men to define their sexuality.
For instance, let’s say that your husband loves you, but he rarely initiates sex. Without understanding the many reasons why he may not be initiating sex, you may take it personally and feel undesirable.
But, if another man were to start paying attention to you and compliment you, then trust me, you will feel desirable again.
Now, what if your husband is always asking you for sex and you feel hounded. Instead of feeling desirable, you feel like a sexual object.
The problem with all of these scenarios is that you’re allowing the man to dictate your sexiness. You aren’t taking ownership of your own sexuality. And the reason I believe a lot of women give up on sex is that they want more intimacy and better sex but they’re not getting it and they’re blaming the man for that.
Suggestion: Better sex and true intimacy begin with you. When you learn to be more vulnerable and receptive to him, he will feel accepted and in turn, give you the intimacy and passion you desire.
Or lack thereof.
To fully express your sexuality, you have to have sex.
Just as you won’t be healthy if you don’t eat healthy or you won’t feel rested if you don’t sleep, it’s hard to feel sexual when you’re not having sex. At least when you’re in a relationship.
Please hear me when I tell you that…
Sex is the answer.
Having sex will remind you that you are a sexually desirable woman. And working on improving your sex life will get you the better sex.
Suggestion: If the sex isn’t good right now, do something about it. I can promise you that the sex will not get better if you never have it. Plus, sex begets more sex and practice makes perfect.
We have 4 major hormone changes in our lives: puberty, pregnancy/childbirth, perimenopause and menopause. With each of these, come massive changes in hormone levels. All of which have an impact on your body, desire, sexual satisfaction and self-image.
Puberty is the beginning of your sexual life. Your body is flooded with hormones that make you want to have sex. Pregnancy and childbirth are when your hormones are geared towards creating and taking care of the life you created from having sex. Perimenopause is a span of 10-15 years where your hormones are in flux and can create a lot of disharmonies if you don’t know how to balance them. Menopause marks the end of a woman’s fertility, but not the end of her sexuality. In fact, for most women, menopause can be a time of sexual awakening.
You won’t always feel sexy, but you can always get it back.
Understanding that your sexuality will have ups and downs, and will ebb and flow, will allow you to have peace around your sexuality.
Suggestion: If your hormones are negatively impacting your sex life, look into resolving them and start feeling good about your sex life again.
Something to consider…
People tend to behave consistently with their self-image. If you believe yourself to be healthy and fit, you will act accordingly. You will probably eat healthy foods and you will be active and exercise regularly. Which is why, if you have a low sexual self-image, you won’t have a very good sex life. You won’t see sex as important, you won’t make it a priority and you won’t do anything to make it better.
To have greater self-confidence and a better sexual self-image, you need to envision yourself as already having them. When you act as if… you will feel sexier, experience more pleasure and you will make sex a priority so that it stays that way. The secret then is to…
Believe it until you achieve it.
Bottom line: If you want an amazing sexual self-image, start acting like you’ve already got it!
Photo Credit: stock.adobe.com/ YakobchukOlena