Getting older is not something we should fear, but something we should embrace. Age is just a number… and you don’t have to feel your age.
Unfortunately, within popular culture, the central message is that sex belongs to young, attractive, able-bodied and single individuals. They’re the ones supposedly having the hot sex. Not older people. The central message for them is that the aging process is replete with sexual dysfunctions. Whether either of these messages is true is irrelevant when you understand that there ARE older, married couples out there who have developed the capacity to experience optimal sex lives. Clearly, it is possible.
Here’s why sex gets better with age:
You’ve slowed down
All those years of pushing and doing have caught up with you. You’ve either suffered injuries from working out too hard, suffered burnout from pushing too hard or you’ve simply run out of gas from doing too much for too long. BUT the good thing is that now you’re wiser. Yep, with age usually comes wisdom. If you haven’t learned to slow down then you’re going to look and feel like something the cat dragged in. Anyhoo…
Now, you’ve learned to listen to your body. You have become satisfied with being instead of doing. Of enjoying instead of accomplishing. Of having hours of sex instead of having whatever unfulfilling sex you could squeeze in between work and chores and your to-do list.
Kids are older. Yay. Career has been established or you’re looking to slow down a bit more. Also, yay. And hopefully, your finances have stabilized. Yep. Things are winding down and the need to push and get through another gruelling day is not as strong. Now you want to enjoy yourself. And you deserve it. And you know you deserve it.
Now that you’re not burned out and exhausted, you start thinking about sex again. And with more time on your hands, you can savour it more.
If not, then…
There’s a greater foundation for intimacy
If you’ve made it to this point, here’s where you get to reap the rewards. The rewards of a relationship that has stood the test of time. Sure there was probably a good ten-year gap of little to no sex, but if you’ve decided to put in the effort to resurrect your sex life, then you, my friend, are in for the best sex of your life.
Because sex with someone you trust and feel safe with allows you to be the most uninhibited. It allows you to explore a depth of sex that short-term relationships can’t.
Yes, a great connection with a partner can happen with someone new, but it’s more likely to happen with someone you’ve been with for many years. While the popular myth is that long-term relationships breed sexual boredom, the fundamentals of years of trust and caring provide the prerequisite for optimal sexuality. Why? Because this safety and commitment to each other allow for greater vulnerability and transparency which allows sex to be more intimate.
If you’re looking for ways to improve intimacy…
You know yourself better
When you’re younger, you tend to define yourself based on other people’s opinions of you. Once you get older, you realize that not only does their opinion not matter but that they probably weren’t thinking about you anyways.
As you age, you mature… hopefully… and you learn that the only opinion that matters is yours. That and you just stop giving a f*ck. Seriously. When someone starts telling you that you should be this or you should do that, you are like, whatever, talk to the hand. Or you say, la la la, I can’t hear you anymore. It’s true.
Anyways, with this new freedom to be who you want to be, it crosses over into your sex life. You start to be more yourself and less of who others want you to be. And the best sex is sex that is authentic. Not sex that is done for pleasing others. Yes, pleasing your man is important, just not at the expense of yourself.
You’ve also learned to love yourself and your body. FINALLY. And this self-confidence naturally extends to your sex life.
If you want more sexual confidence, then…
You’ve learned to establish boundaries
Speaking of knowing thyself, you also know what you will and will not tolerate anymore. The energy vampires, the ones that suck your life force out of you… well, you’ve learned to say no more. You stand up for yourself, you surround yourself with only those that support you and you no longer allow the naysayers and the negative nellies to dim your shine.
These boundaries can also be in sex. You’ve decided that faking orgasms or going through the motions no longer serves you. Or that you want more sex and better sex and you’re going to ask for it. Or what sometimes happens, just around menopause, is that women decide they’ve had enough. They’re tired of the same old same old. They want more and they finally realize they deserve it. This is when they decide to get a divorce and find someone worthy of their love or they put in the effort to make their existing marriage work. And if they’ve decided to make it work, then they’ve learned that it is through having sex that they improve their relationship as well as their sex lives.
If you want to know why sex is so important…
You’re taking better care of yourself.
Now that you have more time, you value sleep and your health more. Now it’s more about you and less about everyone else. And this time and effort spent on yourself remind you that you’re worthy. And this worthiness translates into a better sex life. Why? Because once you’re no longer on the bottom of your priority list, you learn to ask for what you want and need. You’ve learned that putting everyone before you doesn’t serve you anymore. Not that it ever did, but now you see that. This shift in mindset that you’re worthy of a passionate and fulfilling sex life empowers you to make it so.
Now you make yourself and your sex life a priority and EVERYTHING is better.
And when you feel better, you no longer accept anything less.
If you want to know how to stop accepting less, then…
Birth control is no longer an issue
One of the best things about getting older is not having to worry about having babies anymore. Halleluiah. Fear of an unwanted pregnancy can hinder your sexual pleasure or his or both. Let me assure you that the fear of pregnancy is real and it’s a definite libido killer.
But once you run out of eggs, or hubby has had a vasectomy, then sex can take on a new dimension. One where you can have sex anytime, anywhere. That is sexual liberation, my friend!
With all that sexual freedom, you can be like teenagers again… except without the awkwardness, the inexperience, the premature ejaculation and of course, the kids! haha All those things have been ironed out and it’s smooth sailing from here on. As long as you take good care of your lady parts, right? And having lots of sex is a good way to go about doing that!
For more information on having a healthy vagina…
Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com/ freya-photographer