Most women don’t know how to relax. Unfortunately, if you don’t know how to relax, you’re not going to want to have sex. And even if you do want to have sex, you’re not going to enjoy it as much.
Getting out of your head and into your body requires relaxation.
Being able to let go and surrender to pleasure can only happen when we are relaxed.
Here are 7 ways:
Not only is this a great way to relax and connect with your body but to feel pleasure and bliss while you’re at it.
Masturbation should be a daily pleasure ritual.
After an orgasm, you do not feel stressed. Instead, you feel total calm. In fact, if you did it right, you shouldn’t be able to move a muscle!
Self-pleasure is self-love.
It’s a way to become comfortable with your body and discover what you like. Without that, it would be difficult to relax into your body during sex.
Not only that, but it takes the pressure of having an orgasm during sex, off the table. This way, when you do have sex, you can just relax and enjoy it. If you have another orgasm, great. If you don’t, no worries. Seriously.
Suggestion: Self-pleasure daily. The more you do it, the more pleasure you will feel. The more pleasure you feel, the more relaxed you become around your sexuality and your body… and the better sex will be.
Immersing yourself in water
Water is sensual and relaxing.
Whether you go for a swim, go for a float or have a bath or a shower, surround yourself with water. Even being near water or listening to a waterfall is relaxing.
Water is soothing. Water grounds us.
When we are grounded, we can relax into our bodies.
Suggestion: Find a way to incorporate water into your day. Drinking water is also good for your body, but simply being in or near water will make you feel good.
Focusing on your breath
Our breath grounds us in our bodies and brings us back to the present moment.
And when you’re in the present moment, you aren’t thinking about the past or worrying about the future.
Yoga is about listening to your body and giving it what it needs. Focusing on your breath allows you to do that.
Slowing down, breathing with intention and checking in with yourself are excellent ways to show loving kindness to your body.
Have you ever gone to a yoga class and came out of there feeling relaxed and yet revitalized? Well, you felt that way because of conscious breathing. You activated your parasympathetic nervous system (“rest and digest”) and downregulated your sympathetic nervous system (“fight or flight”) with your breath.
Focusing on your breath is a big part of sex too.
You can use your breath to extend and expand orgasm.
Whether it’s sex or yoga, if you aren’t conscious of your breath, you probably aren’t conscious of your body.
Suggestion: Meditate or do yoga. Sex and exercise, when done with focused attention on the breath, can be a moving meditation. In my opinion, you should do all of the above. 🙂
Indulging in pleasure
Pleasure is by far the best way to relax. That’s because…
Pleasure makes us feel good.
And pleasure can come from anything. Self-pleasuring is at the top of my list, but it could be reading a book, eating chocolate, spending time with your girlfriends, buying yourself nice things or doing nothing. All of these are pleasurable.
The key is in finding something pleasurable each and every day. This way you keep your pleasure basket filled up.
Suggestion: Uplevel pleasure in your life. Whatever you’re doing, make it pleasurable. Whether it’s taking time to enjoy a meal (instead of eating over the sink) or having slow sex (instead of rushing to the finish line), make time for pleasure. It’s not just about finding pleasurable things to do, but rather making everything that you do, pleasurable.
Many women aren’t getting enough sleep. Whether it’s kids or work or hormones, sleep can be elusive. Sleep is not only important to our health and happiness, but it’s the only time our bodies get to relax and recover.
If we don’t get enough quality sleep… nothing we eat, say or do… can make up for that.
One of the biggest reasons women give for not having sex is being too tired. But being too tired is a sure fire way to feel more stressed out and irritable and can lead to injury or accidents.
And did you know that sleep affects weight gain? It does and it’s not something that most women consider when they are obsessing over their bodies. If you aren’t sleeping, you’re going to hold onto belly fat. So, if those last few pounds are hard to lose and you’re doing everything right… look at your quality of sleep.
While sleeping may not seem like an active way to relax into your body, getting enough sleep makes us feel better in general, and that translates to being happier with our bodies.
Suggestion: Get more sleep. Whether it’s creating a bedtime ritual, sleeping in on the weekends, or having a nap when you’re tired, it’s all good.
Getting a massage
Whether it’s a massage at a spa… or a sensual one given by your husband… it’s relaxing, pleasurable and will help you to relax. In fact, it’s usually not until you get a massage that you realize just how much tension you have in your body.
Stress gets stored in our bodies.
Do you have a stiff neck or some pain in your body that flares up whenever you’re stressed? Well, that’s because previous injuries and subsequent weak spots can be triggered by stress.
Trauma is also stored in the body. This is especially true if you’ve had sexual trauma. In this case, stress, anxiety, and even pain is stored in your vagina. And, as counterintuitive as it may seem, vaginal massage and loving sex can heal you and your vagina.
Massage can heal you.
It doesn’t matter what type of massage you get. They can all help you to relax.
Suggestion: Try to book a massage once a month. This way you can be proactive about muscle aches and pains and feel better in your body. Also, consider sensual massage as foreplay before sex. You can’t help but relax into your body if you do that.
Spending time in nature
We spend too much time indoors. We are disconnected from nature.
Nature has the power to return us to our natural state of calm.
Being in nature can restore your mood, give you back your energy and vitality, not to mention, refresh and rejuvenate you. Sounds good to me!
Getting outside and breathing the fresh air, hearing the sounds of nature and noticing the beauty around you is an excellent way to unplug from your busy life and feel gratitude.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
Plus, most of us live inside our heads. Being in nature allows us to be more mindful and present. That moves us out of our heads and into our bodies.
Nature slows us down.
In order to relax, we need to slow down.
Suggestion: Try forest bathing, or shinrin-yoku, as it is known in Japan. It means bathing in the forest atmosphere or taking in the forest through our senses. The magic of it is experienced through our five senses… sound, sight, smell, taste, and touch. Invite nature in through your ears, eyes, nose, mouth, hands, and feet.
These are just some of the ways you can relax into your body and pave the way towards better and more satisfying sex.
Great sex is not about positions and techniques, it’s about being relaxed and present in your body.
Photo Credit: stock.adobe.com/ Zsolnai Gergely