Within each of us, there are feminine and masculine qualities. While men tend to be more masculine and women more feminine, this is not always the case. Whether you are a male or a female is determined by your hormones, but whether you navigate your life with the feminine or masculine aspects of yourself depends on many things.
For the purpose of this article, my focus is on illustrating how women… who would be naturally feminine… have developed their masculine qualities to a greater degree. This means that they behave more masculine than feminine… at least in some areas of their lives… and that this behaviour or “way of being” doesn’t always serve them in the long run.
Think of it this way… a first-born or only child grows up surrounded by adults and tends to behave more like an adult. He or she is usually quite responsible, reliable, conscientious, perfectionistic and more serious than other kids. Basically, they’re miniature adults. Most parents would like this, as it makes the child easier to raise, but it’s not exactly fun for the kid and certainly not their natural carefree way of being. Essentially, they go through childhood as adults and never get to experience what it’s like to be a kid.
When women grow up in a culture dominated by men, they tend to take on masculine traits. Then women go through life disconnected from their femininity. It’s not that being an adult or a man are bad things, but they’re not exactly good things if you’re a child or a woman, respectively.
Do you see my point?
Here are some signs that you’re operating from the masculine:
1. You’re always pushing, doing and accomplishing
Many women have cultivated their masculine capabilities of planning, ambition and getting things done. There’s nothing wrong with that… except that these are not her natural way of being… and so it will eventually take a toll on her. This can negatively impact her health, her well-being, and her relationships.
Women have grown up in a culture that idealizes these masculine traits and characteristics, so it’s understandable that we would want to emulate them. And if we wanted to make it in the business world, we had to suppress our feminine ways of doing things in order to fit into this male-dominated arena. To add to that, our success mentors were likely male, so we look at success like they do. We set goals and we focus on achieving them. To do this, we must think and behave like men.
The only problem is that we’re not men.
Here’s a suggestion: Get out of man-mode and stop pushing all the time. It’s great to have goals and ambitions, but you don’t have to run yourself into the ground to accomplish them. In fact, the more you embrace your feminine traits, the easier life will be and the less you’ll have to push.
2. You’re competing
Women are naturally cooperative, whereas men tend to be more competitive. That’s not to say that women can’t be competitive too, but it doesn’t necessarily serve us to be that way.
For instance, instead of women supporting each other, they’re competing against each other. If you disagree with that statement, then let me ask you if you compare yourself to other women. If it’s not a competition, then there’s no need to compare is there? But women ARE competing… and when it comes to who’s doing the MOST… it’s like the first woman to drop to the ground in exhaustion wins. How many of us brag about all the things we do?
But the competition doesn’t stop there because you’re also competing with men. When you’re constantly trying to prove you can do everything a man can do, and do it better than him, you place yourself in a competition with them. Instead of them cherishing you, they’re competing with you. This doesn’t bode well for the bedroom.
Here’s a suggestion: Stop competing and start cooperating. When someone offers you help, accept it. For example, when a man offers to open the door for you… let him. I know that you’re capable of doing it yourself, but a lady would let a man do this for her.
3. You’re exhausted and burnt out
When you’re always pushing to GSD (get shit done), you never get a break. More accurately, you never take a break. The career, the household chores, taking kids to practice, volunteering at the school, and saying “yes” to a million other things… gah… even if you get it all done, you’ll have to get up and do it all again tomorrow. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. It’s f*cking exhausting. There’s no downtime, no ME time and no sex.
Women simply aren’t designed to keep up that pace. We’re not built like men. Not mentally, emotionally or physically. It’s not that women are weaker than men, we’re just different.
For instance, men’s hormones run on a 24-hour cycle whereas women’s hormones run on a monthly cycle. We can’t do the same thing… day in and day out… and not expect to suffer some consequences. Consequences such as getting sick, developing a chronic illness, getting injured or having a mental breakdown.
Here’s a suggestion: Make yourself a priority. Take better care of yourself. Notice when you’re doing too much and take a break.
4. Your relationship isn’t passionate
We need polarity for sexual attraction. The masculine and the feminine are equal but opposite forces. They compliment each other. Through sex, we find completion by joining with the equal and opposite force to become one integrated whole.
Opposites attract, but when women are not connected to their femininity they diminish the polarity and this effects the sexual exchange.
Unfortunately, in our desire to gain equality with men, we’ve achieved sameness and it’s this “sameness” that doesn’t translate into a sexual passion for each other.
A heterosexual male, who is grounded in his masculinity, will not be attracted to a woman who behaves like a dude. Just as a heterosexual woman, who is grounded in her femininity, will not be attracted to a man who has developed too much of his feminine side.
Unfortunately, as Gloria Steinem has said:
“Some of us have become the men we wanted to marry.”
Here’s a suggestion: Turn that shit around. When it comes to sex and your relationship, try not to out-man the man. Okay?
5. You don’t feel sexy
A woman will find it difficult to feel sexy when she’s tired, stressed and overwhelmed. You can’t just snap out of it and suddenly feel sexy.
Not. Gonna. Happen. Because you’re too busy to feel sexual. You’re so focused on getting things done, that you’re not getting done!
In addition, to succeed in a man’s world you likely had to develop a tough skin, suppress your emotions and stand your ground. The feminine qualities of nurturing, kindness and leading with your heart are perceived as weaknesses. So, instead, you’re a hardass and ball breaker. When women operate in this manner, they exude a “f*ck off” energy… that’s hard to shake. And THAT energy is NOT receptive at all!
Receptivity is a feminine trait that, if not embraced, will leave you feeling less than feminine and ultimately less than sexy. Unless you’re able to switch polarities when you get home, you’ll be sabotaging your sex life. It’s okay to operate from the masculine sometimes, but if you can’t turn it off in your relationship, you won’t be able to get turned on either. When you’re being masculine it’s difficult to feel and be treated like a sexual woman.
Here’s a suggestion: Do less so that you’re not so exhausted and find a way to connect with your sensuality. Do something that makes you feel sexy. Wear something that makes you feel sexy.
Women are so busy trying to prove that they can do what men can do that they’ve lost their uniqueness.
Women weren’t created to do everything a man can do. Instead, women were created to do everything a man can’t do!
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