The Components Of A Great Sexual Relationship
A great sexual relationship is one that is deeply satisfying and fulfilling because it provides exquisite sexual pleasure and joy for both partners.
Here are some of the key components:
Focusing on the present moment is how we experience pleasure and bliss.
Being fully present requires being free of distractions.
Just as creative people, athletes, and successful entrepreneurs can enter the “flow” or “zone of genius”, we too can become fully focused on the sexual experience.
When we can get out of our heads and into our bodies, we become more aware of the sensations being experienced from moment to moment.
HINT: When you’re fully present and focused, the house could be burning down while you’re having sex and you wouldn’t even notice. If you’re easily distracted while having sex, then your focus is elsewhere.
Suggestion: Focus on your breath. This will bring you back into the present moment.
READ: 7 Great Ways To Relax Into Your Body
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~ Brene Brown
We can’t have a great sexual relationship if we wear masks to hide who we really are. We must be able to be ourselves and feel that we are loved just as we are.
Giving yourself permission to be yourself is freeing and liberating.
HINT: If you’re honest about your sexual desires, then you’re being authentic to your sexual self. If you aren’t, then sex becomes a performance.
Suggestion: Just be you. When you simply show up as yourself, no performance is necessary.
READ: Why Obsessing Over Performance Is Bad For Your Sex Life
The desire for a sexual connection is the desire to become one with your partner. This connection is achieved when the two halves become whole.
But for a couple to become connected as one, they must first be separate. Each partner must be fully grounded in their own self before they can merge with another. Otherwise, they risk, and perhaps fear, losing themselves.
A sexually confident woman has a strong sense of self.
HINT: To fully let go and merge with her partner, a woman must possess self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and self-confidence.
Suggestion: Cultivate confidence by having independent interests and activities. Self-pleasuring can be one of them because it allows you to experience pleasure without your partner. This will differentiate your needs from his.
READ: 10 Qualities of A Sexually Confident Woman
READ: A Few Good Reasons Why Women Should Masturbate
Couples with great sex lives know how to communicate with one another. They can talk about anything and everything… especially when it comes to sex.
Communication can be verbal or non-verbal.
Talking dirty is one way to communicate desire. Body language is another. Passion and desire can also be expressed through your eyes.
HINT: If you aren’t getting what you want in your relationship… sexually and otherwise… you probably haven’t communicated what it is that you want and need.
Suggestion: To improve communication in the bedroom, you can use touch. Touch can be a very erotic form of non-verbal communication.
READ: Why Women Don’t Ask For What They Want
“If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.” ~ Albert Einstein
A great sexual relationship involves constant exploration.
If your sex life is boring, it’s because you keep being the same person and doing the same things.
HINT: If you think that you know everything there is to know about your partner, think again. The minute you think that, your sex life becomes doomed.
Suggestion: Ask new questions and you’ll get new answers. You can also try something new… on your own or as a couple. This can apply to sex or anything for that matter.
READ: How Learning A New Language Can Improve Your Relationship
For any sexual relationship to be intimate it must include mutual respect, caring, and genuine admiration and acceptance of your partner. If it doesn’t, there may be a lack of trust.
Sexual intimacy requires trust.
Without it, there can be no letting go.
If you don’t feel safe and taken care of, then your basic needs are not being met. There must be an underlying trust that he will take care of you. I’m not just talking financially, but sexually as well.
HINT: It’s very difficult to truly care about and/or want to have sex with your partner when you don’t feel valued and cherished. This is shown by how well a man takes care of a woman. He doesn’t have to be the breadwinner, but if he’s not, he needs to be taking care of you in different ways. And taking care of the finances alone, and letting you down sexually, is not sufficient either.
Suggestion: Deep down, men want to provide for the women they love. But men need to feel trusted to do that. If they don’t, they won’t put in much effort. But once you begin to trust them, by allowing them to take care of you, they’re encouraged to be worthy of it. If you’re one of those independent women who can totally support herself and doesn’t need a man for anything, you take away his need and desire to provide for you. It may also cause him to believe that you don’t trust him. Trust starts with you. And if he’s truly not worthy, then why are you with him?
READ: 7 Ways To Achieve More Intimacy With Your Man
“Vulnerability is at the core, the center, of meaningful human experiences.” ~ Brene Brown
Sex isn’t meant to be controlled.
Great sex happens when you lose control.
But to let go, you must allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Because when you expose your true self and your sexual wants and desires, you’re putting yourself out there. You’re exposing yourself to the possibility of rejection.
The fear of rejection can be why many women don’t expose themselves sexually. Whether they’re afraid of their own sexuality or afraid of what their partners may think, an inability to be vulnerable can hold her back.
HINT: Being fully open and receptive to sex is to be vulnerable. No doubt about it. When you allow a man into your heart and into your body, you’re being vulnerable. BUT this vulnerability is a GIFT that you can both enjoy.
Suggestion: Learning to deal with desire discrepancies so that there are fewer feelings of rejection is a start. Another is to be truly present during sex. Without presence, there’s no connection, and your man won’t open up to you. And when he doesn’t open up to you, you remain closed. Be open first.
READ: How To Deal With Desire Discrepancy
“There are many paths to heaven, and sex is one of them. ~ Abraham Maslow
Sex can be blissful because it allows us to experience transcendence.
Transcendence is an existence or experience beyond the normal or physical level.
Sex isn’t about doing, it’s about being.
You don’t just make love, you are love.
HINT: Bliss happens when we detach from our thoughts, drop into our bodies, connect with the present moment and become fully absorbed in the sexual experience. We then become transformed by the union.
Suggestion: Practice experiencing bliss on your own. It can be through meditation, massage, yoga or floating to name a few. Then, when you have sex, you will be able to enter a state of bliss much easier.
READ: Have You Tried Floating To Find Your Bliss?
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