How Do You Define Success? Is it a career that you’re passionate about? Or maybe one that makes lots of money so you can have anything you want? Maybe success is being healthy and having lots of vitality? Perhaps it’s being a great mother to your children? How about all the above?
But let me ask you a very important question…
Does your definition of success include a happy and sex-filled marriage?
This is a very important question for 2 reasons:
- If you believe it’s important, are you making it a priority? and
- If you say it’s important, are you saying it because you really think so or because you think it’s what you should be saying?
The first reason is relevant because if you don’t have a happy and sex-filled marriage, the lack of priority could be why. Essentially…
You’re wanting one thing, but you’re not doing anything to get it.
The second reason is relevant because if you’re just saying it without meaning it, then you aren’t being honest… with yourself… or your partner. Basically…
You’re saying it’s important, but that’s not really the truth.
Okay, let’s back up a bit and get back to your definition of success because it’s not just WHAT you want but WHY you want it. Here’s the thing…
Is your definition of success based on what you truly DESIRE?
Or is it based on what society says it should be?
And just so you know, whether you realize it or not, much of today’s definition of “success” is based on male-oriented goals and ideals.
I want you to really stop and think about that because when you do things based on a different gender’s definition of success, you may not realize that it works against what is healthy and best for YOU. Let me explain…
Feminine and Masculine
Every person has a masculine and feminine side. If you’re a heterosexual man, you tend to live your life more connected to your masculine side. If you’re a woman, you’d think that you’d be more connected to your feminine side, but this isn’t always so.
In fact, most women these days spend much of their waking hours in “man mode.”
Man mode is when a woman works, thinks and behaves like a man.
She’s all about getting shit done, having goals and accomplishing them, doing whatever it takes to get the job done, pushing, striving etc.
Those are all great things BTW, but they’re exhausting when you’re not built like a man. And let’s be clear…
Women and men may be equal, but they’re not the same.
Not mentally, emotionally, physically, hormonally or sexually.
Not. Even. Close.
If you’re not sure if you’re in man mode, refer to this blog 👇
If you want to be like that, that’s your prerogative, but just know that at some point, doing too much, will affect your health and your relationship. To be sure,
“You CAN have it all, you just can’t have it all at once.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
Because having it all… all the time… will come at a cost.
We’ve been conditioned to be over-achievers and taskmasters because it’s the Superwoman mentality that we’ve all bought into. Any woman who emulates this “ideal” doesn’t have a demanding job and kids and a long-term relationship that’s intimate and fulfilling for both partners AND has plenty of time for herself and her health… or hasn’t hit the wall yet. The wall being: mental or physical burnout, an injury, an illness or a divorce.
Sorry. But if you’re doing all of the above, it’s not a matter of IF you’ll hit the wall, but rather WHEN. Burnout is inevitable. And even if you’re getting away with it, when you’re all in, all the time, you don’t leave any space for unexpected good things to come into your life and when the bad things happen, you’re down for the count.
Now, before you get out your pitchforks, let me show you a better way to get what you want.
Get in alignment with your DESIRES, not your “goals.”
Success and Desire
Success and desire are two different things.
The former is usually based on what’s commonly accepted and promoted and the latter is based on what you REALLY want.
Do you see the difference? Because it’s HUGE.
If you want a happy marriage and a passionate and fulfilling sex life because it’s what you truly desire, then claim that and allow space for it.
If you don’t care about your marriage or your sex life, or at least not enough to do anything about it, then admit it and move on. And that’s okay too.
At the end of the day, it’s what’s important to YOU.
It’s about what would make you HAPPY and FULFILLED.
Passion and Desire
I believe that many women are going through life not enjoying much of it. There’s too much to do, not enough time to do it and the expectations keep growing. It’s like you’re on a never-ending hamster wheel.
Yes, I’m sure you’re happy about certain things, but other than that, are you just going through the motions?
While your sex life is a great indicator of how well your intimate relationship is, passion and desire or a lack thereof, are great indicators of how much happiness is in your life.
When you’re just going from one day to the next, always doing what is expected of you, where does your passion and desire come into play?
Are you getting to do things that you are truly passionate about? Are you fulfilling your desires? Or are you just getting shit done?
When women don’t have passion in their lives, they don’t have passion in their sex lives either.
Your wants and needs
Instead of being the “man with the plan”, be the woman that lives a life of joy and contentment. To do that, you need to…
- Write down EVERYTHING that you currently do.
- Write down everything you WANT to do.
- Is there anything from #1 that you can remove, delegate or defer to later?
- Come up with your top 3 priorities for each week.
- Make sure that they include items from #2.
Make it happen
With your top 3 priorities in mind, organize your week to make sure they are scheduled FIRST. Anything else that must be done or that you still want to do comes AFTER you’ve allocated time and energy towards your top 3.
This is super important because if you’re always putting your wants and needs at the bottom of your priority list, they’ll never get done. And neither will you!
For example, if your marriage and sex life are a priority, you need to have time for them. Schedule it if you have to.
Do your best
Your top 3 don’t have to be done every day, or every week. As long as you’re doing them enough to meet your desires, then you can focus on other things. Which, in case you haven’t noticed, follows the notion that you can have everything, only not at the same time.
Whenever you do anything, ask yourself: Does it pass the joy test? Not everything you do every day will give you joy, but if very few days bring you joy, then you’ll have a lot of pent up frustration and resentment. And the longer you go, the worse it will get.
If you don’t make your wants and needs known and non-negotiable, you may never get them.
Make time for pleasure
It’s easy to forget about our desires when we put ourselves last.
Pleasure is the antidote to a lack of desire.
The more pleasure you have, the more you’ll seek your desires.
This applies to sex, but also to everyday life. If you make time for pleasure, you will be “filled up”… sexually and otherwise.
Align with the feminine
I’m giving you permission to get off the hamster wheel and do what you want to do. And if you want to do nothing, that’s okay too. Seriously. Women have been programmed to want what men want without ever questioning if it’s what they truly want. Women are taught, consciously and subconsciously, to emulate the masculine, to please the masculine and to put themselves last.
Putting our wants and desires last on our list is a disservice to everyone, but especially to ourselves.
If all that women did was bring their creativity, their children, their beauty and their love and feminine energy into the world, that would be more than enough.
Your femininity is a precious gift. And when you connect with your femininity, you have a much easier time connecting with your sensuality and your sexuality… and that benefits EVERYONE!
Photo Credit: stock.adobe.com/ goodluz