Do you masturbate? Are you looking around in horror that I just asked you that? Sorry, but I had to. If you want to have a great sex life, then I have to go there. There’s an old joke that says:
Ninety-eight percent of people masturbate… and the other two percent are lying about it!
Basically, everyone masturbates.
Although many women don’t want to admit to it. Which is sad because there doesn’t need to be any shame around it. Masturbating is perfectly normal.
Unfortunately, when someone says the word masturbate, it tends to trigger all sorts of negative feelings and beliefs associated with it.
Whereas self-pleasuring, (a term more commonly applied to women), doesn’t just sound better but is a more positive and descriptive term of the “task at hand.” (pun intended)
Regardless of which term is used, we all need to be more comfortable with our sexuality and that starts with being comfortable with masturbation.
Men are raised in a culture that allows them to express their sexuality and to seek pleasure. It’s expected that men will masturbate since they supposedly have much higher sex drives than women. (I’ll address this myth in another blog post).
They may have shame around masturbation, but will ultimately still do it. Whereas women, tend to feel even more shame and guilt around it and are more likely to avoid doing it. Women’s sexuality has undoubtedly been denied, suppressed and discouraged. Not only is this double standard of sexual expression and exploration not fair, but it denies a woman the ability to find out for herself what pleases her.
Why it’s important for women to masturbate:
To know and respect her body
While there are many factors involved in a happy and fulfilling sex life, a woman’s knowledge of her own body is crucial. If she’s discouraged from learning about it and exploring it, then she and any lover she’s with is missing out on her full sexual potential.
How can a woman ask for what she wants if she doesn’t know what she wants?
But even more than that, women need to be comfortable in their bodies and that’s harder to do when they’re mentally separated from it. When a woman is disconnected from her body she is “disembodied” and this disconnect sabotages her ability to take care of herself.
When women don’t understand and appreciate their bodies, they can’t nurture them and do what’s best for them. Only through knowing her body can she discover her worth and learn to set boundaries and establish self-care that will respect that.
To experience pleasure from her own body
We all need pleasure to feel good. And this is pleasure that you can give yourself, any time, anywhere. It’s pleasure that is not contingent upon another.
This means you don’t need to be in a relationship to enjoy pleasure. It’s always available to you because the pleasure comes from within you.
Knowing this is important. Why? Because some women have only experienced pleasure with someone else, and from what he did.
As a result, she may believe that her pleasure came from him. That her pleasure came from outside of herself. He may have helped to bring it out, but any pleasure you feel comes from you.
You are the source of your own pleasure.
To take responsibility for her own sexuality
It’s not fair, or reasonable, to expect a man to “give you an orgasm.” Of course, he may want to, and you might like him to, but it’s not his “responsibility.”
It’s your responsibility to know your body and then to show him what you like and don’t like. Then sex can be a shared experience.
But in order to share, you must have something to give. And when you have sex, you’re not only sharing your body, but you’re sharing the experience of mutual pleasure.
If you don’t know how to experience pleasure, then you miss out, and they miss out on witnessing it. And a real man would want this for you and for him.
To increase excitement in her sex life
Aside from doing it to discover what feels good and pleases you, you can also self-pleasure in front of your partner. This can be an exciting and erotic experience for both of you.
Men LOVE to see women self-pleasuring.
Not only does it show sexual confidence on your part but watching a woman playing with herself is a huge turn on for them. Even more so if they “catch” you doing it, but I’m confident that they wouldn’t kick you out of bed for purposely doing it in front of them.
If you haven’t tried this, you might want to consider it. It may feel completely out of your comfort zone, but it could be the very thing to unleash your erotic potential. You won’t know unless you try it.
Nothing changes if you don’t step out of your comfort zone.
Plus, it may be a fantasy of yours that you can actually make a reality. Unlike, the fantasy about sex with the pool boy… when you have neither the pool nor the boy!
To deal with desire discrepancy
Masturbation can come in handy for those times when sex is not an option. For instance, when you want to experience pleasure, but your partner is unavailable.
This can also be helpful when you’re the one with the higher sex drive because it allows you to express your sexuality as often as you like. When you’re horny and your partner isn’t, you have an alternative sexual outlet.
Masturbation could very well be the difference between a happy sex life and one filled with resentment.
Your sexual pleasure is always available to you. Take advantage of it.
To relax and connect with her body
Self-pleasuring can be an incredible means for relaxation. In fact, if you do it right, it can be like meditation.
Meditating is getting out of your head and into your body, usually by focusing on your breath.
While masturbating can and usually does utilize some form of fantasizing when you’re solo, the thoughts are sexual ones and NOT about the million things you need to do that day.
You can use your breath to extend your orgasms and go deeper into your body.
Extended orgasms are complete and total bliss and I can assure you that you are NOT thinking about anything else when you are experiencing them.
In fact, you’re likely to be rendered a complete zombie… and that’s a good thing. A little mental break from our thoughts is truly a state of bliss.
Masturbating, self-pleasuring, or whatever you want to call it, is not only a natural but an essential part of your sexuality. If for no other reason, do it because it feels good. Men do it, and women should too. Enjoy it!
Photo Credit: depostiphotos.com/ AndreyPopov