You may be thinking that a mediocre sex life is okay, but it isn’t. That’s because if the sex isn’t great, you likely aren’t going to want to have it. And if you’re not having it, then you’re essentially in a sexless marriage. And that’s not good.
Because let’s be clear here, sex is part of marriage. A big part.
If there’s no sex, it’s a partnership or a friendship, but that’s it. The key difference between these arrangements comes down to sex.
Here’s the thing… sometimes doing nothing is doing something… and that something isn’t good. Whether you do something or do nothing, there is ALWAYS a consequence.
Let’s take exercise for example.
You can exercise and get in shape, boost your confidence, improve your health and your quality of life.
You can choose not to exercise (do nothing) and be out of shape, have limitations on the things you can do and reduce your quality of life.
Many people choose the latter until some life-altering incident like a heart attack or stroke makes them see that doing nothing is bad for their health.
Your sexual relationship is no different. Because if you’re not consistently working on your sex life, there will also be costs.
Here are a few:
- An affair
- An unfulfilling marriage
- A marriage lacking in intimacy
- A loss of your vital life force
- Setting a bad example for your kids
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect. Okay, I’m darn close, but not when it came to my relationship. It wasn’t always this good. But, I did something to improve it. I’ll repeat that.
I did SOMETHING to improve it.
All it takes is a simple change in mindset…
That your sex life is important and to make it a priority.
So, whether the sex is, meh, okay or the sex is completely lacking, you need to turn that around, get back in the saddle, and start enjoying great sex.
Because when you ARE having great sex, you’ll see that it’s worth it and it will be a no-brainer to make it a priority.
Let’s go back to the exercise example.
When you first start exercising or go back to exercise after some time off, it’s not easy nor is it a whole lot of fun. In fact, you’re going to have make an effort, there’s going to be some struggles, you’re not going to be very good at it, and you’re going to want to quit.
But as anyone who has gotten into great shape knows, once you do get in shape, it’s totally worth it. And that’s why people who are in great shape stay that way… because the reward is worth the effort.
Now, sometimes the reward doesn’t seem worth it. Maybe you’ve forgotten what that feels like or you’ve never reached “great.” Then, there’s not much motivation. I get that.
But… the realization that your relationship is NOT as secure as you think… might be a good one.
The reality is that at any time, you could be served divorce papers because your husband fell in love with someone else. Or you could fall for another man because they make you feel desirable.
Whatever time and energy you’d spend on your sex life will be small compared to the time and money spent on a divorce— and two homes— and driving kids back and forth between them.
Let’s avoid that, shall we?
Stop making excuses
“I’m too tired.” I don’t have time.” “I don’t feel like it.”
Hmm… sounds like the same excuses people use for not exercising… or doing anything that they don’t want to do. ?
If you have time to watch TV or be on social media, then you’ve got time. And if you’re just too busy and have too much shit to do, well, I think you know what I’m going to say about that!
As for feeling like it, well, if you think you can be busy 24/7 and be able to relax and let go enough to want and enjoy sex, good luck with that.
Commit to making your sex life a priority
Your sex life should be one of your biggest priorities because your relationship depends on it.
If your sex life isn’t great, you must work to improve it.
Whenever you want to improve anything, you have to commit to making it better.
And the only way to make it better is to make it a priority.
“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” ~ Stephen Covey
Discuss your sex life
Making your sex life a priority means having sex.
There’s no way around it. And if you’re having issues with that, you’ll need to discuss them.
If the sex is not enjoyable for you, then you need to articulate what would make it better. Avoiding it is not going to make it any better.
Or, maybe, you’re the one with the higher sex drive and you want to have sex, but your husband is the one holding out. Well, to fix this, you’re going to need to talk about it.
Talking about your sex life is essential. Because…
“You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.” ~ Phillip C. McGraw
Take responsibility for your sexuality
This isn’t just about your relationship but your overall happiness and well-being.
While it’s common to think that sex is just for men, this belief is not only false but harmful.
Because you’d be missing out on a life of pleasure, vitality, and the intimacy that you desire.
Your own happiness and sense of fulfillment are at stake here.
Your sexuality is your life force and the gateway to intimacy.
Use it or lose it!
Look at the big picture
It’s easy to be busy with work and the kids and the other crap on your To Do list, but at some point, the kids will move out, you will retire, and you will actually have less stuff to do. Crazy, I know.
Then what? That man sitting across the table from you will be a total stranger. That is if you haven’t already replaced each other!
You’ve created a life together. Don’t you want it to be good? Don’t you want to live happily ever after? Wouldn’t the best case scenario be that you grow old together, deeply and passionately in love with each other until you leave this place?
Yeah, I know, I’m going to make myself cry, but let me just say this, if you work on your sex life now, the relationship will be there later. You’ll also have the benefit of enjoying the best sex of your lives… now AND then!
Don’t waste it.
Photo Credit: stock.adobe.com/ WavebreakMediaMicro