There may be things you already know about men, but believe me when I say that understanding these things is completely different from knowing them. Let’s look at a few examples:
Men are focused
Women can be focused too, but it’s an acquired skill for women whereas it’s a natural skill for men.
Men’s brains are wired to pay attention to one thing at a time.
Conversely, women’s brains have diffuse awareness. This means that we can pay attention to several things at a time. Whereas men can only see what they’re focused on (to the exclusion of all else), women can see EVERYTHING and have difficulty concentrating on any of it. Not only does this make women more easily distracted, but we allow ourselves to be constantly interrupted. Why does knowing all of this matter? Because it illuminates some key points:
Men are the opposite of women. This is a fundamental truth that both sides need to understand in order to have a symbiotic relationship with each other.
Men can be more focused on sex. This fact is usually held against them, but women could benefit from this skill in many ways. For one, when a man focuses his attention on you, then you become the center of his attention. Something women are always wanting from men. For another, if women learned to be more focused on sex, they’d be less distracted and therefore give it the attention it deserves. This would improve the relationship as well as provide more pleasure for both.
Men aren’t trying to piss us off. This is an important one because women tend to get irritated by a man’s ability to focus because we see it as not paying attention to anything else. We get annoyed because…
Women are multitaskers.
This is the reason why women can’t understand how men can only do one thing at a time. It’s frustrating, right? But therein lies their superpower: focus.
Whether it’s having sex or watching a game on TV, the world could be crashing down around them and they wouldn’t even notice.
For another example, they can be fixing a pipe, do it in a random and seemingly stupid order and make a huge mess in the process, but that’s because the pipe has their complete attention. They don’t notice anything else.
While this can drive women insane, our inability to focus doesn’t allow us to enjoy sex or anything that we’re doing. Hmm… see how being focused isn’t always a bad thing?
Suggestion: The next time your man is giving something his undivided attention (whatever that may be), don’t get upset about it. See it as a gift and understand that when he applies it to you that this is precisely what makes you feel special.
Men are attracted to women
Obvious, I know. And it should be equally obvious that I’m talking about a heterosexual man. But it’s the type of man and the type of woman that makes all the difference here. Therefore, it’s more articulate to say:
A masculine man is attracted to a feminine woman.
It’s a distinction with a difference because it illustrates how opposites attract. If you want to increase the sexual polarity and passion between a man and woman, the man should be more connected to his masculinity and the woman should be more connected to her femininity.
Sounds pretty straightforward and yet so many women are trying to emulate men that they inadvertently sabotage the sexual polarity between them. Let me explain.
Men and women each have aspects of the opposite sex in them. The difference lies in the amounts of them. For instance, when it comes to hormones, men have more testosterone and less estrogen. Women have more estrogen and less testosterone. Like yin and yang, we are meant to be opposite and yet complementary.
Here’s what you need to understand…
The bigger the difference, the greater the attraction.
If a woman is behaving or even looking like a man, this will be unattractive to a masculine male. This woman will likely attract a more feminine male… a man that’s more connected to his feminine side. There’s nothing wrong with that, btw. Unfortunately, when a woman is figuratively “wearing the pants”, she isn’t likely to be attracted to a man wearing a “skirt”… unless she’s a more masculine female… a woman that’s more connected to her masculine side.
Here’s another example. The more independent and driven the woman, the more she attracts a somewhat dependent and unmotivated man. Because opposites attract. That’s not to say that all successful women attract this type of man, but in order for an accomplished woman to get a man she truly desires and feels sexually attracted to, he must be more of a “man” than she is. If he isn’t, there’s going to be an issue when it comes to sexual attraction.
I’m not saying that women can’t be independent and accomplished. Not at all. I’m simply saying that when women develop more of their masculine characteristics of doing and achieving, they need to be able to revert back to their feminine characteristics of being and letting go in order to maintain the polarity. Basically,
A woman shouldn’t try to “out man” the man.
Suggestion: You don’t need to DO anything to become more feminine. Trying to do something to be more feminine is a masculine approach. Instead, you simply have to be yourself and not try to be like a man. You may think you aren’t, but women are conditioned to revere the masculine and subconsciously try to be like them… whether it’s through being excessively muscular, being goal and performance driven or trying to hide their emotions. Your curves, your nurturing and creativity and your ability to feel, are what make you attractive to a man.
Men want to provide for women
So many women pride themselves on being able to do everything for themselves, but this leaves little room for men to feel they have anything to offer you. It’s not that they want a woman to be helpless or dependent upon them, but they do want to feel that they have a purpose in your life. The truth is that…
Men need to feel needed.
An independent woman can still be attractive to a man so long as there is some way he can provide for her. If there isn’t, he may feel less manly around her. Or worse, he may even feel like a failure.
A woman doesn’t have to pretend that she’s helpless, especially since being needy is a turn off for men, but if she never lets a man do anything for her, then he will find another woman who does.
I think that a man’s desire to take care of a woman is honourable and chivalrous. And yet women tend to chastise men for it. It’s gotten to the point that men no longer want to do anything for a woman for fear he’ll be attacked for doing so.
Suggestion: Let him take care of you. If he offers to rub your back… let him. If he takes care of anything… so that you don’t have to… thank him for it. In fact, thank him for EVERYTHING he does for you. This will go a long way towards making him feel worthy of being your man and encourage him to do more for you. If you say that your guy doesn’t do anything for you, you’re probably exaggerating. If you’re not, you need to consider that you might be the reason why.
Men want to please women
This is along the lines of taking care of a woman, but in this case, it’s sexually.
Men want to be a sexual provider.
When it comes to sex, women think his sexual prowess is all about his ego. That can definitely play a part, but more importantly, his perceived worth as a man is heavily dependent upon pleasing you sexually.
Women intuitively know this and will fake orgasms because of it. But you are inadvertently sabotaging your own pleasure and stripping him of the pleasure of providing it for you.
Unfortunately, when women fake orgasms or go through the motions of having sex only for his pleasure, they train a man to do what he’s always done (because he thinks it works) or to focus on his own pleasure (because you’re not that interested anyway).
What women fail to understand is that one of his greatest pleasures is pleasing you.
Suggestion: Get better at asking for what you want. Men aren’t mind readers. They WANT to please you. You just have to help them to do that.
Men want intimacy too
It’s a common misconception that men only want sex. They may also want sex, but what they really want is you.
Sex is how men try to achieve intimacy.
And if women understood that this isn’t a bad thing, they’d be having better sex AND get the intimacy that they want. The problem is that women objectify themselves by assuming that a man only wants them for the sex. Instead of seeing it as a physical and emotional need to connect with them, they write it off as being just about his pleasure. But now you know that it’s about your pleasure too. And there’s nothing wrong with pleasure, in and of itself. Women get super hung up on pleasure being trivial. It’s not.
The bottom line is that we have to stop being mad at men for having a need for sex.
Their desire for us makes us feel desirable.
Therefore, it’s a bit hypocritical to use that against them.
Suggestion: Have sex. Just don’t have it out of obligation. Have it because you now understand that sex is the gateway to intimacy. If you want more intimacy in your relationship, you need to be having sex. Not just when everything else is done and there’s time, but regularly. Do you only tell your children you love them when you’ve done all your chores? Or do you tell them you love them all the time because you want them to know it? If you want your husband to know that you love him, then tell him, but also make love to him. ❤️
With a better understanding of why men do what they do and a better appreciation of it, we’ll experience a more harmonious existence with our life partners. When we can embrace our differences, and further emphasize them, couples can enjoy a more loving and passionate relationship.
Photo Credit: stock.adobe.com/ Jacob Lund