You’re entitled to pleasure. You don’t have to earn it or owe anyone for it.
Pleasure is your birthright.
Pleasure is there for the taking… you just need to believe that you DESERVE it.
It’s not selfish or indulgent or silly. It’s NECESSARY.
Pleasure makes us feel good.
Unfortunately, many women aren’t getting enough of it.
Are you one of those women?
See if any of these apply to you…
You use food to make yourself feel better
Food is a pleasure. For sure. I’m a major foodie and have more pictures of food on my phone than anything else. However, food is not my only source of pleasure. It’s just one of many.
When food becomes an obsession and/or the only thing that makes you happy, then that’s a problem. It’s not that food is bad, because it isn’t, but rather that it’s become a coping mechanism for you. You’re not actually deriving pleasure from the food, but from the comfort that it brings you. If you’re eating because you’re bored, sad, angry or stressed, you’re eating food for the wrong reasons. Then food is being used to soothe you.
Food is not meant to be a substitute for what’s missing in your life.
My suggestion: Start finding pleasure from other sources as well. Time spent with friends, walking on the beach, sleeping in and so on. If it feels good, then it’s pleasurable. Do more of that!
You can also elevate the quality of your food. If you really want to feel better after eating your favourite comfort food, then make sure it’s the highest quality version available.
You treat food as a means to an end
When you think of food, do you see it as fuel? Do you obsess over your macros? Maybe you count your calories? Do you deem a food “good” or “bad” based on what it can provide for you?
For certain, food is fuel, but it’s a lot more than that.
Food is meant to nourish our bodies and feed our souls.
If you’re eating foods that you don’t like, just because they’re good for you or because you “should” be eating them, then you’re missing out on the “enjoyment” part of eating. Taste and pleasure are essential to life.
And while it’s good to have an awareness around the foods you eat, obsessing over these things removes the pleasure from food. I know, because I tracked my food for a year. It was helpful to find out where I needed to make changes, but after that, it sucks the enjoyment out of eating.
Let me also ask you… When you eat certain foods do you feel shame or guilt? Do you eat diet food or fat-free versions of your favourite foods? If you do, then food loses its ability to provide you with pleasure.
Food… cooking it, eating it, thinking about it, enjoying it with others… are all pleasurable.
My suggestion: Stop being anal with your food and start enjoying it. Diet food has yet to help anyone lose weight. And fat-free foods not only make you fatter, but you get no sense of satisfaction from them. If you think they taste just as good, you’re in denial. If you want a bowl of ice cream, eat the full-fat version and enjoy it. PS: Just don’t be eating ice cream all the time! LOL
You exercise because you should
As soon as you do something because you “should”, it’s completely devoid of pleasure.
Are you exercising because you feel you have to? Or do you do it just to look good? Nothing wrong with wanting to look good, BTW, but if you’re exercising to work off the food you ate or so that you can eat the food you want, then you’re missing the point of exercising. You exercise to improve cardiovascular function, to build muscle, to blow off a little steam and to have the physical ability to do whatever you like. You exercise for your health and well being. But…
Exercising should make you feel good.
That’s because physical activity is inherently pleasurable. If it’s not, then you’re not doing the right kind of activity for you. Of course, it can still be challenging, but ultimately you have to enjoy it. Otherwise, it’s going to feel like punishment as opposed to pleasure.
Exercise can also increase confidence in your body, but not if you do it because you don’t like your body. You exercise because you love your body.
My suggestion: If you don’t like exercising, find an activity you love doing. Try something new. Perhaps pole dancing? Then “exercise” won’t be a struggle. Instead, it will be something you look forward to. Something that connects you to your body in a positive way. I invite you to forgo the traditional “workouts” and find something that you enjoy. When you do, it will be infinitely more pleasurable.
PS: A special call out to my fellow over-exercisers out there. Obsessively exercising, even if you enjoy it, isn’t good for you either. It’s taking up time that could be spent on other things (sex, time with our kids, relaxing, sleeping) and it can sometimes be a coping mechanism as well… to avoid dealing with things in your life… like your sex life. Just saying.
My suggestion: Be sure to take at least one rest day each week. Preferably two. This way you have time for other pleasures, you enjoy your workouts more when you do them, and you have less chance of suffering an injury.
You’re not having great sex
If you’re not having blissful, erotic and deeply fulfilling sex, then you’re missing out on life’s greatest source of pleasure.
I don’t say that to make you feel bad, but to awaken you to what you could be experiencing.
I firmly believe that when our sexual needs are not fulfilled, we feel empty… like something is missing. Because it is. And you will try to “fill it” with food, or retail therapy, or simply by being busy. All in an attempt to fill the void.
When women are “filled up” sexually, then they feel whole.
If your sex life isn’t great, then you’re lacking in sexual pleasure.
My suggestion: Start making sex a priority. When you do, you can make it better. Sex should always be pleasurable. If it isn’t, fix that. Wherever you’re at, there’s always room for improvement.
You only have one type of orgasm
Women can have clitoral, vaginal, cervical, and G-spot orgasms, to name a few. Not only can we experience ALL OF THEM, but we can experience them multiple times! Yay for being a woman!
Women are multi-orgasmic.
Seriously, if you’ve been told that you’re one of the unlucky few that can’t experience orgasms vaginally, then you’ve been misled. Don’t get me wrong, I believed it too. I bought into all the shit we are told about our sexuality.
But once I was open to my sexuality, and to experiencing more pleasure in my life, I found out that my sexual pleasure is virtually limitless. You know those clitoral orgasms that you think are so great? Well, they’re just the tip of the iceberg, my dear! They’re definitely pleasurable, but they’re like the appetizer for the main course. They’re just part of the full dining experience.
My suggestion: Self-pleasure daily. You will become more confident in your body and your sexuality. Then you’ll be more open to experiencing everything your sexuality has to offer and you’ll explore it more fully.
For the record, I was the queen of multitasking and I was damn proud of it. But not anymore. Not once I realized that I was sabotaging my own pleasure.
Pleasure lives in the present moment.
If you’re doing more than one thing at a time or thinking about all the other stuff you need to be doing, then you aren’t paying attention to the present moment.
When your focus is all over the place, you aren’t paying attention to anything. When that happens, you miss getting pleasure from the thing that you’re doing.
Anytime you do anything, it’s an opportunity to experience pleasure in it. Whether it’s sex or folding the laundry.
My suggestion: Focus on one thing at a time. For example, when you have a meal, don’t eat and check your email or listen to a podcast at the same time. Otherwise, you’ve eaten and received no pleasure from it. Because you weren’t paying attention.
Another example might be to go for a walk outside without your iPod or your phone. If you don’t, you miss out on the pleasures of being in nature. In essence, you are insulating yourself from the very thing that can bring you peace and joy. Try going without your “distractions” and see how you feel.
Pleasure is everywhere… you just need to slow down and savour it.
Photo Credit: stock.adobe.com/ innatyshchenko