Embracing Your Sexuality Instead of Demanding It
To reconnect with our sexuality, we don’t need to have a sexual revolution, what we need is a sexual awakening.
Our female sexuality has either been dormant, suppressed or repressed.
If we treat our sexuality as something to awaken (since we already possess it), then we are naturally sexually empowered.
But, if we treat our sexuality as something that needs to be fought for (like a war), then that will lead to more resistance and a greater struggle.
That’s because sexual entitlement is demanding. Demanding is forcing, not embracing.
Here’s my issue…
Sexual entitlement implies that:
- your sexual demands must be fulfilled;
- that your sexual needs are more important than another’s; and
- your sexuality is owed to you
Your sexuality is your birthright. You don’t have to take it back from anyone because you already have it. You just need to take ownership of it.
The problem with someone feeling entitled to something, or someone, is that it creates a dangerous dynamic. One in which the “entitled” person feels superior, and therefore justified, to exert influence and force over another.
This is exactly the problem with male sexual entitlement. If they perceive their needs to be more important than a woman’s, then they will not be willing to accept “no” for an answer. I trust that you see the problem with this mentality?
Not that women can exert the same type of physical, or even mental, “force” over men, but it’s unacceptable just the same.
Nobody is entitled to coerce or manipulate another person to have their needs met. Nor should anyone be “guilted” into anything.
Sex is for intimacy and pleasure, and neither of those can be felt when sexual satisfaction is demanded.
You are responsible for your own sexuality. Nobody owes you sex. Nobody owes you an orgasm.
Just because we live in a male-dominated culture, doesn’t mean that we correct it by aiming for female domination. That’s going the opposite extreme.
And having hate and anger towards today’s men is punishing them for the sins of their predecessors.
We need to ask for what we want and then be open to receiving it.
When we awaken our sexuality, we are simply reconnecting to what is already there.
Embracing our sexuality IS sexual empowerment.
Sexual empowerment also means looking after your sexual health and safety, practicing safe sex, knowing your boundaries and speaking up for yourself.
I invite women to embrace their sexuality but to do so in a feminine way. This doesn’t involve making demands or expecting anything.
We don’t have to take it back, we just need to reconnect with it.
No revolution necessary.
Read: 10 Ways to Embrace Your Femininity.
Embracing Your Sexuality Means:
Accepting that you are a sexual being
This means being unapologetic about your longings and desires. It means owning the wanting.
Our sexuality is our life force. It gives us vitality and provides us with intimacy, connection and pleasure.
We are born sexual and we can never be separated from it.
Our sexuality is always within us and a part of us.
Give yourself permission to accept this.
“Sex is… perfectly natural. It’s something that is pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship. So why don’t we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with ourselves as sexual human beings because we are all sexual? ~ Sue Johanson
Asking for what you want and need.
Being able to ask for what you want and need is paramount.
This is where men have it over us. They do feel entitled to their sexual desires.
I’m not saying that all men feel entitled to expect sex, but they do feel free to want and enjoy it… and we should too.
You need to be able to communicate your desires.
You need to ask for what you want. Asking is not demanding. It’s simply letting him know what you would like.
It’s your responsibility to ensure that your needs are met, not his.
When it comes to sex, go at your own pace. Don’t feel rushed. Take all the time you need. Your pleasure is just as important as his.
When you take responsibility for your pleasure, you’ll get what you want.
But, if you don’t ask, you may not receive. So be sure to…
“Ask for what you want, and be prepared to get it!” ~ Maya Angelou
Read: Why Women Don’t Ask For What They Want
Loving yourself and your body.
Most women equate their sexuality with their external beauty. But it’s really your sexual confidence that makes you attractive to men.
Unfortunately, our culture and society provide us with a lot of negative perceptions of ourselves, and we make it worse by agreeing with them!
Some negative thoughts could include: I’m not thin enough or pretty enough. I’m too old. I don’t deserve love.
Negative beliefs could be: Women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex. Sex is dirty. Sex is only for procreation.
These thoughts and beliefs are not only negative but very limiting. And they’re limiting because, if you believe them, you’ll never challenge them.
Break free from your negative thoughts and beliefs. Do this by asking yourself:
- Does this make sense?
- Does believing this serve me?
- Do these thoughts and beliefs make me feel good about myself?
- Does this get me what I want?
If the answer is NO to any of these questions, then I’d like you to challenge it. You should…
“Embrace and love your body. It’s the most amazing thing you will ever own.” ~ Anonymous
Read: 10 Reasons Why You Should Love Your Body.
Learning to indulge in pleasure.
Indulging in pleasure is how we connect with our sensuality. This could be smelling flowers, savouring a delicious meal, taking a walk in nature, sleeping in, reading a book… or whatever it may be… so long as it’s enjoyable to you.
The key is to discover what makes you happy and gives you pleasure and then making time for it in your daily life. You don’t wait for when you have time, or when the chores are done or when the kids are asleep.
Stop putting yourself last on your list! Don’t feel guilty about enjoying things that are pleasurable. It doesn’t have to be sex. In fact, until you can learn to enjoy the non-sexual pleasures in life, you may not be able to experience the sexual ones.
Pleasure is important. Pleasure makes us feel good. May your days be filled with pleasure because…
“What we learn with pleasure we never forget.” ~ Alfred Mercier
Embrace your sexuality. Accept that the source of your joy and happiness resides in you and that you have the power to access it. You just need to awaken it.
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