In order to be satisfied with your sex life, you need to look at how much sex you’re having and then decide if you’re happy with it.
First, let me ask you…
How often are you having sex?
Once a week? Once a month? How about once a year?
Now, here’s a question I often get asked…
How much sex is enough?
The answer: It depends.
There’s no “right” amount of sex, just what’s right for you. Although, what might be good for you, isn’t always good for your partner. This is what’s known as desire discrepancy. I wrote a blog on it, but before we worry about our partner’s needs, we need to take care of ours and we do that by figuring out what we want and need in the first place.
I LOVE analogies and I LOVE food, so here are 2 yummy ways to classify sex:
GOURMET SEX: Much like a gourmet meal, it’s sex that is meant to be savoured and enjoyed. There’s no rushing here. It’s meant to be blissfully slow and deeply intimate. Think, “spiritual enlightenment” kind of sex.
FAST FOOD SEX: Similar to fast food, it’s sex that is meant for when you don’t have much time or when you’re starving and have a craving that can’t wait! This type of sex is great for when you want it NOW! Think, an “itch that needs to be scratched” kind of sex.
What type of sex would you be most satisfied with?
If you’re looking for foreplay, intimacy and drawn-out pleasure, then it’s better to go for the gourmet sex. If you’re looking for passion and excitement and to get your rocks off, then you might be totally fine with fast food or quickie sex.
Both types of sex are great and I believe you should be having both of them.
However, if you want to be able to experience the gourmet sex, you’ll need to be having sex more than just intermittently. For those of you having sex once a month, that isn’t going to cut it.
When too much time is left between having sex, or you’re just having lots of sex that doesn’t give you pleasure and fulfillment, the intimacy drops off quickly and is harder to re-establish.
Then when you want to have that gourmet meal, you discover that the chef took the night off! Mon Dieu! Bottom Line: You can’t expect a gourmet experience if you never make the time to enjoy a good meal.
Which is why I’d like you to think about what you want and need to feel satisfied. What is preventing you from having the great sex life you deserve?
I conducted a survey and it confirmed what I knew to be true…
The 3 biggest reasons women gave for not having or wanting to have sex were:
- Too tired or stressed
- Lack of intimacy
- Lack of pleasure
I addressed the first one, in this blog…
I addressed how to get the intimacy you want, in this blog…
And because I’ve got your back, I discussed what might be getting in the way of the pleasure you seek, in this blog…
What I believe though is that women would prefer to have the gourmet sex over fast food sex. Unless she’s the one with the higher sex drive and then she may love quickie sex just as much.
The bigger issue, in my humble opinion, is that many women are not having sex… gourmet or fast food… and that they’re not doing anything to change that!
What I know for sure is that sex is important… to your health, your happiness and your relationship.
Women are suffering from sexual starvation.
Sex really can be passionate and exciting, pleasurable and fulfilling, but you need to be having it at least once a week.
Why? Because longer than that and you forget. You forget how good it feels and you forget why it’s so important.
You develop sexual amnesia.
Which is why you shouldn’t go long periods without having sex.
I know for myself that I don’t like to go longer than a week. That is my absolute MAXIMUM. Otherwise, I can start to feel disconnected from my husband and it becomes easier to be irritated by him. #truth
Happy wife, happy life, right?
Plus, I really enjoy it… the gourmet and the fast food sex… and I know I’m not truly satisfied and content without it.
How do you ensure that you’re satisfied?
Find your sexual sweet spot
That place where you get the intimacy that you want and the passion that you desire.
When my libido was at its lowest, we were having sex once every few weeks. But when I got it back and realized what I was missing, we were having sex 5 times a week! And I was determined to keep it hot and steamy too! The only problem was that I was sort of killing my husband. As much as he loved my new-found passion for having sex, it was literally draining the life out of him. Poor guy. He was starting to look like something the cat dragged in.
What’s the old saying? Be careful what you wish for? Haha
You see, I was trying to make up for lost time. We basically went from a sexual diet to a sexual binge. Unfortunately, the former is not ideal and the latter is not sustainable.
Which is why I set out to find BALANCE between getting the sex that I want, keeping the passion alive and accommodating my partner’s needs.
I have found it, but it took time and I had to figure out how much sex was enough for me and how to satisfy that.
Which is why you need to find that sweet spot between intimacy and passion.
The greater the intimacy, the lesser the passion.
Intimacy thrives on closeness. Passion thrives on separateness.
You can’t have too little sex and you probably shouldn’t have too much sex. Otherwise, you’ll soon grow tired of sex and lose your appetite for it.
Now, let me ask you: What’s on your menu tonight?
Photo Credit: depositphotos.com/Goodluz